feeling emo today.. haha.. i know i'am the emo queen.. but is just that i got a lot of stuff i can't figure out and tend to brood over them... urgh i should give up brooding n focus more on studies..-_-

feel like i putting on a mask in front of everyone. sigh.. wearing this fake mask till i don't know who i am. sometime i really hate myself.. but people preach 'you must self love before people love you'. But how to? All i see is the faults i have not the good points in me so how can i love myself ? urgh... Plus you won't really feel loved when a person say she hated you and that person was supposed to be your best friend -_- sigh what a dampening topic to think about especially in such a gloomy rainy weather.

sometimes, i really wonder if i will get a boyfriend in ntu? hmm.. but the point is that i can't see myself falling in love maybe i lack of the capacity to love. maybe i'm not ready. maybe no one like me. maybe i just want someone to accompany me.

it seems like i'm living for someone to like me and in the process changing myself till i don't know who i am.. urgh.. what the hell.. I must live for myself ... must ...