omg i got one freaking headache after i woke up from my nap... omg... today i went online shopping cause one of the online shops having SALE !!! but too bad everytime i went to see the items are sold!!! sob sob... damn it i really want them ... urgh... hopefully tml i get somthing (hoping)...

feeling kinda of blue lately... i just can't click into any group.. like a apple out of a basket of orange.. sometimes feel kinda of an alien or talking in another foreign... fucking annoying.. ya i know the problem lies in me right? i jus can't let go of the past.. but i had to!! i'm trying... reminding myself constantly...

somemore my windsurfing club having a trip to redang ( island off malaysia) during may BUT my parents won't let me go... hianz... cause it's not a tour trip nor is it a school activitie... just a group of teenagers going there which is too dangerous... one part of me agreed that going to malaysia is too dangerous but another part of me wanted to go on this trip.. i don't want to feel left out by my club plus i want to go snokeling, diving and see turtles.. fuck... fuck... feel like such a noob never been outside of singapore on my own... feel like i'm a child enclosed inside a bubble... hianz... i torn between my family love and my tendency to rebel against them... damn it.. sometimes i resent that i'm the eldest... i'm so sick of my mother telling me to be sensible, responsible.. i'm sick of being the first to break down the walls of restrictions... i'm so sick and tired of it.. fuck... maybe my mother is right about me not being sensible or responsible.....